Gatekeeper

Sitting in the navel of the world,
the people come and go.
I need not move,
for every mortal will pass this way
if I only wait.
A thousand gossamer strands
emanate from my belly
as I conduct the passage
of all the weary travellers
that this way come.
I sit ensconced upon my throne
and smile to those who bow to the dictates of the day.
Sun, wind, and mountains grace me
as my watchful companions.
Words at my fingertips.
Surely this is perfection.

G-d

This is more personal than I usually get. My boss died in an ATV accident this weekend. Nice guy, had just taken that position in the company, had a wife and three young kids. Now, it's true that riding ATV's has its risks, but everything has its risk. Sitting in a booth seems fairly safe, but I could get shot while getting robbed. You never know. Probabilities mean nothing when it's your life that ends.

It is the arbitrariness of deaths like this that has made me reconsider my position on God. The death that had a strong impact on me was that of Liviu Librescu. He survived the Holocaust only to be shot during the Virginia Tech Massacre. I understand that there might be some redemption to suffering, but there's a limit. I don't see how any meaningful redemption can be salvaged from his situation.

According to Christian doctrine, God is omnipotent and he is benevolent. The question arises, how can both of these claims be true when so many bad things happen in the world? Either he is benevolent but does not have the power to intercede on our behalf or he is omnipotent and not (entirely) benevolent. Now people argue that God could intercede if he chose to, but doesn't in order to allow us free will. If that's true, then he can't by definition, be omnipotent since he has constraints on his power. If, on the other hand, God does not have our best interests at heart, I'm not sure that I want to worship him.. even if he is the Creator of all that exists.

I have, however, had the very strong emotional experience that there is a presence that cares about us. Also, it makes sense to me that we have a spiritual part of us that endures past corporeal death. These two experiences have been my core reasons for believing in God. But those experiences don't necessarily lead to the conclusion that there is one all-powerful God.

Rather, the explanation that I'm leaning towards is that of spirits. Spirits exist prior to, during, and after corporeal life. Disembodied spirits can inspire us while we are living to take certain actions or have certain thoughts, but they cannot themselves do anything. That is why we choose these physical lives, pain and suffering though there may be. It gives us the opportunity to do, create, and change. Spirits may have benevolent or malevolent intents, so you have to be careful whose influence you heed. This makes more sense to me than a single God because it means that even spirits are dealing with a collective influence rather than simply getting whatever they want.

Still, it is difficult to let go of the conception of one all-powerful God, having been raised in a culture that believes so strongly in one. I don't have a single text I can refer to to guide me in life. On the other hand, if everything is spiritually inspired in one way or another, then I can piece together support of my beliefs from anything and everything. It may be Aristotle, it may be the latest song on the radio.

And if there is not one entity responsible for everything that happens, that means I am responsible for doing what I can to change the collective towards what I think would be best for it. There is more arbitrariness in this alternative, but there is also more meaning.

I've just thought of a counter-argument to my argument. Let's say you're in a situation where a malicious person has taken captive your parents, your lover, and your children. He gives you the option of choosing one person to save. If you don't choose anyone, they will all die. If you choose one, you are not sure if the malicious person will keep his bargain and save that one or kill that one because s/he is your favorite. If you love all equally, how can you possibly choose? Even if you don't love all equally, how can you possibly choose, and live with the guilt of knowing that you were responsible for the death of the others? Maybe it is like this for God, minus the uncertainty. If he loves all of us equally, how can he possibly choose who to save?

This begs the question, why doesn't he save us all? According to Christianity, we are saved after we die (though I am not aware of a sect that believes we are all saved, regardless of belief or action.) But what about the suffering while we're living? It seems like good would not have any meaning without its opposite bad. But this brings us back to the sense that there should be a limit to the suffering proportionate to the good there is in the world.

I have had a relatively blessed life, but this doesn't mean that I am a better person than others who suffer more. So why do they have to suffer more? Maybe there is a God, but he can't intercede because he loves us all equally and couldn't choose who to save any more than we could.

What do Good Readers Really do?

My favorite part about teaching reading was comprehension strategies. However, what I taught was not what I actually do. And I consider myself a good reader. So does this mean that the strategies were not actually what good readers really do? Or does it mean that I am not a good reader?

For example:

Good readers look at titles, headings, and words in bold to help them understand information.

I usually skip over titles and headings and rely on the body of the text to tell me what the author is trying to communicate. I have only recently started using the table of contents as a way of keeping track of the structure of an argument.

Good readers change their speed at different places in the text.

I'm sure I do this to some extent. Certainly, if I am reading a children's book, I can read it faster than I do a dense philosophical treatise. But I'm not aware of shifting my speeds within one text very often.

Good readers realize when they don't understand something and go back and re-read. This is something I am trying to do more, but usually I just plow on ahead because I am used to not understanding something in a work of fiction and then understanding later on.

Good readers make images in their head.

I do not do this. I might say the words aloud in my head, but I do not visualize the scenes.

Good readers ask questions.

Again, with fiction, I'm used to not understanding everything early on in the story and later on, it making sense. So I usually suspend judgment which involves asking questions.

So if I don't do all the strategies that I taught my students, what strategies do I actually employ? I don't know. How is it going to take my students' reading to learn all these strategies explicitly when I don't even know what strategies I use?

Do We Ever Grow Up?

Conflict between toddlers is predictable. "I want to play with this toy." "No, I want to play with this toy." We find this conflict laughably simple. We step in and say, "Looks like we have a problem. Both of you want to play with the same toy. What can we do about it?" Then the toddlers decide, "You can play with the toy for five minutes and then I'll play with the toy for five minutes."

Ridiculously enough, it's the exact same thing on an adult level. Mediators dealing with divorce have to help resolve who gets possession of the china doll. And the solution is often something like, "You get the china doll for six months and then I'll get the china doll for six months."

If we're no better able to deal with conflict when we're adults, why do we see it as so laughable in children?

Chronicle of Cleaning

I want to chronicle my endeavor to improve at cleaning. Some of what I've learned so far...

Bathroom: Starting with the least dirty place (the doorknob) and ending with the most dirty place (the floor), disinfect using hydrogen peroxide or some other disinfectant. This may seem obvious, but I had previously learned to start by putting cleaner in the toilet and then using that water to clean the rest of the toilet. I feel so much better sitting down on a toilet now that I don't do that. For difficult-to-clean residue under the rim of the toilet, use a moistened pumice stone.

Cat Hair: I was frustrated that after vacuuming there was still a lot of hair on the carpet. I am now using a rubber brush which I rub vigorously in an up and down motion to bring the hair to the surface of the carpet and then a sideways swipe to collect the hair. I still need to hone my technique since I'm having to unload the hair between every sideways swipe, otherwise it gets back on the floor, and it sticks to the rubber glove I remove it with.

Laundry: You are supposed to put the detergent in BEFORE putting the clothes in. Otherwise, it will cake or pool on the clothes you dump it into. I didn't know this until a few years ago. Also, you really should separate whites from colors. I usually take the short cut by running everything in cold water, but I just recently put some rainbow socks in with some whites and got pink spots as a result. And I knew better.

That's all for now!

Rebuilding Iraq

I feel obliged to follow up to On the Eve of Inauguration. In it, I say that I have been opposed to the Iraq War, but if our counter-insurgency tactics are being used to rebuild Iraq's infrastructure, then maybe we shouldn't pull out right away.

Unfortunately, I fear that this was overly optimistic. Naomi Klein writes in Shock Doctrine that US contractors were more concerned about profits than about actually getting the job done. A task such as installing an air-conditioner would be subcontracted out, which meant that the money would be doled out to four different companies, only the last of which would actually go install the air-conditioner, and then the installer would be paid hardly anything.

Most of the US companies have pulled out, having spent all their money, but not coming close to finishing their tasks. Parsons was supposed to build 142 health clinics with $186 million. Only 6 were ever completed. Even jobs that are counted as success are inadequate by US standards. Baghdad Central Children's Hospital had raw sewage in the hallways because none of the toilets worked after it had supposedly been rebuilt.

None of the jobs are being given to the Iraqis, not only further destroying any ability for their economy to recover, but also preventing those who will most benefit from a job well done being able to do the job.

Collection of Jobs Well Done

Meeting someone who enjoys their job and does it well is a breath of fresh air.

I noticed that the bathroom I use during my break was unusually clean. Also, there were vases of fresh flowers placed on the counters. It was actually enjoyable to go into the public restroom. I also suspected who might be responsible for this cleanly environment. So the next time I saw the custodian, I walked up and thanked him. His name is Peter and he gathers wildflowers on his hikes to place in the bathroom.

On my flight from small-town Virginia to big-city Illinois, the steward came around, offering advice for how to make our connecting flights. He had a list of up-to-date information to verify our boarding gates and talked us through a map of the O'Hare airport and how to get from terminal to terminal. When the flight was delayed for take off, he took the opportunity to serve us drinks right away.

Both of these examples are in service-oriented jobs. A job that I appreciate less is sales. Nonetheless, I met someone who did a very thorough job. She made eye contact with me and then used sneaky tactic after tactic until I walked away with a product that I had no idea I wanted before talking to her. She offered me a free sample, then demonstrated how her product could be used. Today was a special deal and when I said I would think about it, she cut the price in half. Wheeling and dealing might not be a unique experience in this here America, but I actually felt good about the interaction afterward instead of ripped-off. She was from Russia and talked about how much she liked Salt Lake. She apologized for her accent and I said, "Oh no, I like your accent. It just means that I have to work harder to understand you." And she had a nice little bit about magic worked into her routine. "This is a very important part... You have to say abracadabra."

I hope people feel like I work a little magic in my job. Not everyone is paying enough attention to notice, but at least I can convey that I like my job.